I’ve always enjoyed tongue-in-cheek translations of help wanted ads. Apparently, so does nonprofit executive and humorist  Vu Le who compiled such a list for his Nonprofit with Balls blog.

Here are some of my favorite employment translations from that list that are also applicable to for-profit organizations.

Describing the organization
A dynamic work environment: We are really disorganized.

We are in an exciting period of transition: You won’t believe the frequency of turnover, and job descriptions change monthly.

Collaborative working environment: We have meetings every minute of every day.

Intricate set of group dynamics: There are pain-in-the-butt people you have to work with who refuse to learn a better way to work smarter.

Describing the ideal candidate and the position
Fast-paced, multi-tasker: We have too much work and not enough staff. Be prepared to do everything yesterday.

Team player: Never get credit for your work.

Embarking on a new phase: Everything else we’ve tried has been an epic failure, and you will now save us.

Leadership opportunity: A challenging project we are going to talk you into doing (without you realizing it) that is in addition to and mostly unrelated to your actual job responsibilities.

More about the employer
Flexible work schedule: You may work whatever hours you like, as long as they add up to 60 hours per week.

So-and-so is a visionary leader: So-and-so sucks at details and drops the ball a lot.

Innovative: We’re trying to sound edgy and disruptive.

Disruptive: We’re trying to sound edgy and innovative.

(For the full post, see  “Common nonprofit terms and concepts and what they actually mean.”)